The title of this post is a phrase that took me a while to understand. A very lovely yoga teacher who I follow the teachings of on Youtube uses it in one of her videos. At first I was at a loss to understand. And then one day the light bulb pinged on. And now I love it and use it as a mantra when I’m facing a tricky situation.
It has been a crazy few weeks! I won’t bore you with the minutiae but I’ve been swamped and struggling to find time for everything, even more than I usually do. Studying is not happening anywhere near as much as I’d like. I am definitely not on top of the laundry. The cats are neglected (well, neglected compared to their normal indulgences). But my main issue is a massive brick wall of apprehension due to a big career change step I am about to take.
I have been teaching for 12 years. Eek!! And for the most part of that time, I have had serious issues with the education system in this country. I’m not going to get into it now. That’s (possibly) for another post. I went into teaching because I love kids. I still love kids but it’s time for something new. So I’m taking steps towards another career.
So many difficult decisions. I need to maintain a reasonable income. I need to make enough time to study, so that my new career can begin asap. I need to move seamlessly from one career to the next, cutting back on teaching gradually to make way for the proofreading and editing.
I am very lucky to have such a wonderful, supportive man in my life, who doesn’t hold me back from following my dreams. But that doesn’t change how scary this decision is, or that I’m the one who has to stand in front of someone and say, ‘I’m handing in my notice’. And always, in my weaker moments, the question; is this the right decision?
So I started this post a week ago, and I have had a deadline bear down on me like a freight train since then, along with a massive kick up the backside (which I needed) and finally, the deed is done. I’m feeling relieved, apprehensive and emotional. I went from thinking about making this change three months ago, and feeling really positive it was the right decision, to feeling full of self-doubt. I needed the positive, certain me but she’s been hiding for a few weeks, so I had to tell the small, insecure, little girl me to get with the programme and step up.
Following my dreams has led me to much greater sources of happiness and contentment in the past. Of course there are little sadnesses in this instance, like saying goodbye to some amazing children who I’m honoured to work with, but in the end, I believe this is right for me. I’m finding my way.